Weekly Bertie

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We went to Swanage with Bertie last Saturday. Bertie is in his new t-shirt from Morrison. Ya it is a 4-pieces for £5 pyjamas set but I just love the pattern. Foxes, squirrels, dogs. I am sure he doesn’t mind.

He has turned into a curious little boy from a crying baby since last Monday. He was still crying and whining all day on Sunday and I was thinking, oh hell, how can I do this for another day. But there was a remarkable transformation just happened overnight and since last Monday he has been so contented and eager to play. I still carry him and nurse him a lot, but he starts showing real interest in food, which is a relief. He is still not sleeping a lot, but as I always say, all good as long as he is not crying.

I just love this little man more everyday.

Eating Local

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Since being a mum and having left London, I start being a more serious cook. As a family, we try to eat locally and cook more often from scratch. I also try to avoid shopping from Tesco and other major supermarkets all the time. I really like the butchers in the West Moors village. Unfortunately there is no local grocer or baker in walking distance.

Recently my neighbour told me she has been ordering monthly makeup subscription boxes and she thinks I should treat myself too. I then start thinking, yes, why not? But I don’t use that much make up or beauty product, too busy to try out new things, so I started looking for getting weekly veg box. First I came across websites like Riverford, they have pretty good deals, especially if you shop with Groupon. I was really tempted but I found their online system too complicated for me. And there must be a few bugs to be fixed. After registering with them I tried to put the order through but I had to contact them through email to get it right. Then I had to wait for them to call me back. At the end I just couldn’t be bothered.

Then I came across a local farm website, the Berry Hill Farm in Bournemouth. I called Mr. Jim Hooper and put my first order through, he comes on Monday evening fortnightly and I pay him in cash. Easy, like the old fashion way. My husband was reluctant at first but then he really likes the carrots and potatoes. I enjoy having cauliflower in different colours every week (white, purple, then green this week) and trying vegetable that I never bought in the shops. I believe vegetable from local farmer is fresher and more nutritious. More importantly, the money I pay directly goes into the pocket of the hardworking provider. We also start eating vegetable in wider variety and learn to cook more dishes. It is good for ourselves as an individual and hopefully good for the local community. I think this is one of the best decision we have made this year.

 

Wish upon a star.

gouache on paper

gouache on paper

Little Bertie and I are enjoying one of the good days, that he is napping more than an hour and I have time to finish a little drawing. There are good days that he naps 2 hours straight and there are days that he couldn’t go to sleep at all. Well, I can’t go to sleep when there is too much on my mind, so I won’t blame him. Sometimes it can be quite frustrating and unpredictable but we still have a whole life time ahead to try to understand each other. No rush, no rush.

I saw this pretty dress on pinterest, how cute! Looking forward to having more predictable nap time and start some more ambitious projects.

My son in 35 weeks

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Watercolour on paper

I am very happy to say my dear son has been napping a bit more regularly in the day. Sometimes he naps about 2 hours straight in the day. That gives me plenty of time to make a cup of tea, read a few pages of books or even do some drawings!

This drawing was done yesterday. He napped an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon.

Not perfect, but at least I am getting back on track now x

Nursing my child

Gouache on A4 paper

Gouache on A4 paper

 

Nursing my baby came surprisingly natural. I really enjoy our time together. I am your mother,  the only person that can give you all the nutrient you need, the hormones that help you cope with this strange world, the antibiotics that defend you from illness. We find comfort and love from each other through nursing. I am your mother. And no one can replace me to you. I will be here as long as you need me.

I carry you so that we can walk roads less traveled.

 

Gouache on paper, A4

Gouache on paper, A4

My son was born on 28th November, 2013. I haven’t done any paintings since then because I was simply overwhelmed.

As a new mother, I do have great difficulty managing my time. My son is not one of those textbook babies to start with. Even now he would never nap more than an hour and  would not go to nap unless I am sitting next to him. He is a very sensitive baby and would not stand being left alone for a minute before he is six month old. Before he could roll over he would cry the house down every time I put him down, even just to change my shirt in front of him. He would not take the swing or the bouncer. Don’t take me wrong, I love him to bits. And he’s got the sweetest face I know when he laughs. But not when he cries. And certainly not when he screams. I am always a very quiet person and the slightest noise annoys me. Living with a baby is a tough thing. I just have difficulty coping with my new role. I knew things would be different but no one told me it would be this intense. I was so overwhelmed and exhausted. Spending a whole hour putting him down to sleep and he wakes up crying once he was put down. My husband and I are now living in Dorset, away from families of both sides. I am literally a 24-hour mother, feeling like deserted on an island after a shipwreck. I had been desperately looking for survival guides from friends and relatives. I had been looking on forums and parenting blogs. The more I read, the more uncertain I feel.

When my husband finished his parental leave and back to the office, I was left holding this 10lbs 5-week-old crying baby all day and felt despaired. Finally I got this baby wrap on Amazon, and I have been carrying him everywhere since then. When the baby wrap arrived, which is a piece of long cloth, it looks rather dubious. I didn’t believe it will be my saviour but it works! IT WORKS! My baby was happy to fall asleep in it and I could make a cup of tea without him screaming his head off!

Time flies, and he is now 7 months, 21lbs. I am more used to my new role as a mummy. Now he is a bit too old to nap in the wrap, so I am still sitting and reading quietly next to him when he naps, because otherwise his naps would be very brief. We tried all sorts of tricks you find online, but nothing works. I think I just have to go with the flow and my intuition. Some people say I spoil him, but I have to say every baby is different. If I keep leaving him alone when he naps he will just wake up in 20 minutes and that was how my life went before I changed my way of thinking. I would rather have an hour to read or nap than bear his cry all day. But I still carry him so that we can go to the small shops, as I found it too much hassle to put the pushchair together just to get a loaf of bread. I always walk with him in the fields and woods at the back of our house. I always enjoy walking with him, sometimes he falls asleep, sometimes he looks around and tries to make sense of the world.

Forgive me taking so long to understand your needs, son. There is so much for me and you to learn everyday. You make me a kinder, sweeter, and more patient person. I know you need me every moment for now, because you are tiny. You won’t stay small forever, and I can wait when you are ready to sleep on your own, travel by yourself, and do all sorts of amazing things I can never imagine.